Evil Laughter
by trashstiel
Summary: ABANDONED FIC. One day, for no adequately explained reason, Shigure becomes EEEEEEVIIIIILLLLLL! Gen.
1. Chapter 1

I cannae spoilae thae storae.

**Disclaimer:** Nope. Go look in Japan.

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It was a beautiful morning.

Okay, I lied. It was stormy and cold. But either way, you don't expect to wake up to someone playing the organ. Birds chirping, or thunder and lightning, but not organ music. Unless you're Scooby Doo or the Addams family. If you're part of the Sohma family, it's considered strange. Especially since the Sohma's don't _have_ an organ.

With this in mind, Kyo, Yuki, and Tohru left their rooms and met in the hallway. Since the power was out, Yuki was carrying a flashlight and Kyo was carrying a candle. Tohru wasn't carrying anything, but that was probably for the best, since she would probably drop it and set something on fire, in the state she was in. She looked like something you would find in a zombie movie, except no self respecting zombie would wear pink pajamas covered in strawberries. Kyo was afraid she might suddenly keel over. Yuki was afraid they'd never get the drool stains out of the carpet.

But I digress.

"Okay, who's playing an organ at three in the morning? Is it you, ya damn rat?"

"Since I'm standing right here and the music is still going, no, I'm not, you idiotic cat."

"Don't call me that. Okay, since you're not doing it, and I'm not doing it, and Tohru's definitely not doing it, that leaves… Shigure!"

"Brilliant observation."

Kyo ignored the sarcasm in Yuki's voice and crept towards Shigure's room. Yuki shrugged and dragged Tohru along with him.

As they sneaked down the hall, the organ music became louder. It was the kind of music that you hear on TV shows trying to parody old horror movies. Finally, they reached Shigure's room. Kyo turned and addressed Yuki. "Okay, on the count of three, I'm gonna bust down the door. Stay behind me, and keep Tohru covered."

Yuki raised an eyebrow. "Kyo, this is Shigure's room in our own home, not a mob boss' room in an action film. We just need to walk in and ask what's going on."

Kyo sighed and rolled his eyes. "Haven't you ever heard of the element of surprise?"

"Then shouldn't we be crawling in through a window or something?"

Kyo shook his head. "Nah, this way is a lot more surprising."

Yuki gave in. There was no reasoning with Kyo when he made up his mind. Yuki sheltered Tohru, who had fallen back asleep, and Kyo kicked down the door. This was pretty easy to do, since Shigure hasn't of yet invested in a good solid oak door. He really should, considering what happens to all his other doors.

What met their eyes was a scene so horrible, so gruesome, so sick-and-wrong that Yuki went pale as a sheet, Kyo fainted, and Tohru, although sound asleep, started whimpering.

SHIGURE AND HARU WERE MAKING OUT!

No, no, I'm kidding. Oh, stop looking so glum, you rabid fangirls. Usually, I wouldn't mind you, but really, Shigure and Haru? Ew. Much ew. In reality, Kyo didn't faint, Yuki was his normal complexion, and Tohru was still out like a light. But Yuki and Kyo did look a bit weirded out by what they did see.

Then what did they see?

Well…

You're gonna have to wait till the next chapter! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Wait, what are you doing with that staple gun? No, wait, stop! Nooooo!

**to be continued…**

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**Author's Note:** I had so much fun writing this. Its one of my favorites. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go locate my painkillers.

Read and review, please!

**Edit:** I've fixed a few things in the flow of the story to hopefully help it read a bit better, and I've changed/removed some of the obscure terminology so people who aren't quite as enamored with fanfiction in general can understand easily what I'm talking about.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Dracula, Fruits Basket, or Yuki's private store of cheese. I do, however, own Igor the duck and the "Vacuum Cleaner From Hell". Steal them and I will send un-drugged Shigure after you.

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Well, now that I have been released from the hospital, the story will resume. Where was I? Ah, yes…

Greeting the Sohma's eyes was Shigure's room, all right, but something was a bit… unusual. Like, the gigantic organ that was covering an entire wall. Or the fake cobwebs that had been scattered about in an attempt to create "atmosphere". Or the fact that Shigure had slicked back his hair and was wearing an outfit that looked like it had come straight out of the _Dracula_ movie.

He stared at them for a bit, and in return, they stared back. Finally, Yuki cleared his throat and said, "See, Kyo? It was nothing to get worked up about."

Kyo noticed he was twitching slightly. He waved a hand in front of his face, wondering if he was going into cardiac arrest, and whether or not he would inherit his private store of cheese. "Yo, rat boy. You okay?"

Yuki spoke again, his words tinged with panic. "Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be? Our guardian's just gone insane, that's all."

Kyo surveyed the scene before him. "Nah, I doubt it. He's probably just going through of those… what do you call them? Mid-life crises, yeah, that's it."

Yuki looked at him, stupefied. "Kyo, he's 27. He's too young to be having a mid-life crisis. Besides, what kind of youthful dream would he be trying to live by doing all this?" He gestured wildly and nearly gave Tohru a concussion. She had been propped up against the wall for safe-keeping.

"Um, I dunno. Maybe he always wanted to be a goth kid?"

"Knowing Shigure, if he really wanted to be a goth, he would have done it."

Kyo shook his head. "Betcha Hatori held him back," he stated matter-of-factly.

Yuki buried his face in his hands. "You're hopeless."

Kyo was about to argue this statement when he felt something tugging on his pant leg. He looked down and was shocked into silence. Yuki, wondering what miracle could actually cause Kyo to shut up, looked down as well. He could barely believe what he saw.

Standing there was a speckled _duck_ about the size and shape of a large domestic turkey (meaning: round and fat). It looked up at them and quacked.

"Igor! I said to _bite_ them, not politely ask if they could pay attention!"

The stunned duo looked back up as one. Shigure was now standing with his hands on his hips, talking with what he probably thought was an evil accent, but just sounded like some weirdo on an BBC comedy. "Igor" looked up as well and quacked reproachfully. "What! What do you mean you're not a goose! You're related, aren't you?" Shigure shouted.

"S-shigure? Did you take your medicine today?" asked Yuki warily. He was kinda dreading the answer. If you think Shigure is normally crazy, you should see him without his pills. Yuki shuddered as he remembered last Halloween, and the "Vacuum Cleaner From Hell"."Nope!" Shigure said cheerfully, causing Yuki to groan. "For I am now Dark Shigure, and need not medication!" He stuck a pose, as Yuki looked on incredulously.

"_Dark_ Shigure?!"

"Correct! I have decided to become EEEEEEVIIIIILLLLLL!" Shigure looked very proud of this.

"Why?"

Yuki, Shigure, and Igor turned to look at Kyo, who had a very confused expression on his face. "Why what?" asked Shigure.

"Why did you decide to become evil? I mean, you didn't wake up and say 'I'm going to be evil from now on!' It just doesn't work that way."

"Um... well... I dunno." Shigure scratched his head reflectively. "It's been kinda nagging at me, not real bad, mind you, just a sort of itch at the back of my mind. But after I scarred Akito for life, I decided... well, that it was kinda _fun_ being evil. So I went over to the church down the road and stole their organ, and went down to Greg's Holiday Shop and got some really good deals on stuff... Oh, and Greg introduced me to Igor, who agreed to be my partner in wicked deeds." Igor quacked affirmatively.

Kyo rubbed his chin, digesting this information. "Hmm... well, this doesn't seem particularly evil, just playing the organ and sprucing up your room. It's a good start, yeah, but you need to move on to something bigger."

"Kyo, don't encourage him!" Yuki hissed. He wondered if he was the only one who could see this spiraling out of control. He looked to Tohru, hoping for someone to back him up, but she was still sound asleep.

He also noticed the drool was causing her hair to stick to the side of her face.

Ew.

"Kyo, for once in your life, you have said something smart!" Yuki realized he had spaced out while staring at the gruesome spectacle. Shigure was now shaking Kyo's hand, and both were looking very pleased. "I must go out into the world and cause havoc and mass destruction!" Shigure paused, thinking. "Hey, do you think you'd like to team up with me? I could really use some more evil minions."

Kyo shook his head, and Yuki sighed thankfully, glad that some small amount of sanity had penetrated his skull. "I'm gonna stick with nezumi boy and help him try to stop you."

"What! Why?"

"I get the funny feeling I don't have a choice." I scooted down lower behind the fake Venus fly trap that was concealing my whereabouts, hoping he hadn't caught on.

"Hmm... That's too bad. I don't really have much of an idea of what I'm doing," Shigure remarked sadly. For sad he was.

But he got over it. "No matter!" he shouted, striking a pose. "If you refuse to be my accomplices, you shall be my nemeses!" He picked up Igor and pulled out a smoke bomb. "Goodbye for now, do-gooders! We will meet again!" With this, he threw the bomb.

Nothing happened. He picked it back up and banged it against the wall a few times. Still nothing happened. Shrugging, he chucked it at the Venus fly trap, which promptly ate it, causing me to scoot a bit to the left. "Igor, remind me to complain about the smoke bomb next time we see Greg." Then, without warning, he jumped out the window, sending glass flying, since he had forgotten to open it.

Yuki and Kyo gaped for a bit, until they heard a noise from behind them. Tohru stood up, rubbing her eyes and yawning. "Good morning!" she said cheerfully. "Did you guys have a nice sleep?"

The shocked cousins could only stare at her.

**to be continued...**

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**Author's Note:** I have returned triumphant! All hail me and my disturbed mind!

So, sorry I took so long. Writer's block is a pain in the ass. Plus, I have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this.

I would like to thank all my reviewers. You guys rock, and are threatening enough to make even me, the Über Procrastinator, want to write. I especially want to thank **shaaarona**, who informed me that Shigure has a British accent. I've always felt the best villains are the ones with the corny accents. Like the dude on The Fifth Element, with the weird southern accent. He was cool.

Anywho, here is where you readers really get to shine. I have no clue what I'm doing. I need ideas, and desperately. If you have any, please tell me. I will be checking my mail obsessively until you do.

Read and review, please!


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